I dreamed a dream

So in honor of the approaching holidays, I figured I'd share the dream I had last night. It was extremely realistic for me-so much so that when I woke up I had to check my phone to make sure that it was just a dream.

It was very It's A Wonderful Life-esq.

While the details are slightly fuzzy, here's what I can still remember:

Went back to a townhouse on a Friday night with 3 co-workers who normally do not get along. Hanging out there, expecting to meet up with my brother later who had my old car. Ex-boyfriend from high school, P., texts me, asking when I was expecting my brother, I ask why, and he replies so that he could borrow the car. Now at this point I'm completely confused by everything.

Somehow I meet up with P., at a club-I've obviously been there at some point in my life because it's been in my dreams before. We talk a bit but things are awkward but he's surrounded by people from high school that don't understand what I'm doing there.

Somehow later on in the night we end up back at the townhouse that I was hanging out at before. I feel that something happened but I'm not sure. I'm also not sure if P. met me at the townhouse and the club scene is before/later.

Pass out on separate couches.

Next day I leave and I'm out doing stuff-don't remember exactly what but P. starts texting me about using a car. He never says why he needs it.

I come back about 4 pm to the townhouse and am indecisive about the car use. Finally, I yell, "I haven't heard from you in a good 5/6 years, why the hell do you think that I would let you borrow my car?"

That kind of shuts him up. At some point we come to a reconciliation and are okay.

The townhouse changes back to his house and one of his older sisters is there. She's okay with whatever is going on. P. and I are on 2 different couches and his sister is in the kitchen when all of sudden his mom and other older sister dance their way in. His mom looks better than she did when I last saw her years ago. His older brother-the one that sold my parents the car- randomly walks in too and decides that P. should be able to use the car since he sold it to my family.

The dream ended there-or that's the last bit that I can remember. However, P. had changed. He wasn't the same boy that I fell in love with. He had gained some weight, which wasn't a big deal because I had also gained weight.

The whole thing was very odd and I'm trying to discern what I should learn from it. And all that I can think of is that I should not facebook-stalk at night. I'm extremely confused as to why I should have a dream about someone that I have not thought about in years. Maybe I should not date boys whose names begin with P.-not sure how big of a deal it is but I just realized its a reoccurring theme, maybe I should branch out some in the alphabet? Or maybe I'm just excited to watch It's A Wonderful Life tonight? I only mention that because it seemed as if I was getting a second chance at something-I'm not sure what.

Thoughts?

In continuation from yesterday

I heard from the boy from this past weekend. Talk about surprise. Last night I decorated the Christmas tree with my sister and dad (the rest of the family was too lazy) so I didn't have my phone on me. So we texted a bit before I had to say goodnight-I get tired so easily now. Anything past 10/10:30 pm is too late for me. But he's going back home this weekend for the holidays so really anything could happen. But it was nice hearing from him.

So I was thinking about it this morning though on my way in to work-why is it that guys, when they're done with a girl, just give them the cold shoulder? Is that their version of breaking up with a girl nicely? Get the girl so mad at you that they (the girl) can't even be upset they end things because they're too busy being mad? Ridiculous.

I think that that's the reason why I'm okay with just texting with the new boy. Because once you start having phone conversations, things get serious. I mean, we're talking about staying up all hours of the night like you did in hs. And the things that come out in those conversations are usually very personal. Probably some of the best coversations I've ever had are in the middle of the night. Except for that one time in hs when I did that with a bf who was tripping shrooms-he ended the conversation by breaking up with me. But that whole relationship was a break-he only counts as half of a bf now when I discuss them.

Hey, can I get your number?

OK, so when I give my number out, I assume I will hear from that person that now is in possession of my number. However, I am finding out that that is not the case.

A few months ago I went out to a bar in DC. Had a great time, met a guy, danced, wasn't expecting anything past that night. However, he asked for my number. I said, sure, what the hell and gave it. Got a text from him a few nights later asking if I was going to the same bar that we met at for the happy hour special. I had plans, so I said no. The end.

This past weekend I went out with a bunch of girls to DC. Struck up a conversation with a guy, started dancing and just having a great time in general. And when I had to dance over to rescue a friend, he followed. What kind of guy does that? Most of them have no idea whats going on. He asked for my number so I gave it to him-not sure what I was thinking. But he wasn't from around here-i.e. not born and bred like most of the guys I meet so I figured that he wasn't a complete douche. I might have been wrong. He texted me later that night to make sure that I got back okay and then I haven't heard from him sober or drunk since.

Now granted I could text him - I don't call- but I'm not going to be around this weekend so in my eyes, whats the point of seeing whats up if I'm not gonna be around to hang out?

At this point I'm probably over-thinking things, but honestly, whats the point in asking for a number unless you're going to use it? I never ask for a guy's number because chances are I have no intentions of using it. I'm totally okay with meeting a guy and hanging out for the night and that being that. Maybe I'm missing something, I dunno.

Last Meal

So I've noticed that there have been a few executions lately in the news. The VA Sniper comes to mind along with the guy that dismembered a chick years ago in Ohio who was only given one shot (as opposed to the normal three). While I am against the death penalty, I find it hard to have sympathy for these guys that so brutally murdered strangers.

The part that really stuck out for me was the mentioning of their last meal. According to the Times, Mr. Biros ate the following: "In the afternoon, he had a snack of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. At night, he was to be served a meal of cheese pizza, onion rings, fried mushrooms, Doritos chips, French onion dip, blueberry ice cream, cherry pie and Dr Pepper soda" (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/09/us/09ohio.html?pagewanted=2&ref=us). This got me to thinking of what I would like to have as my last meal. I'm pretty sure I'd have at least 2 different types of potatoes. Probably Entemann's donuts-the ones that look like they have rabbit turds on them, a slurpee, wings, strawberries, watermelon, and a gyro.

I'll have to think more on this but what would you have?

Snip Snip Snip

I hate my haircut. Yes, I hated how my hair looked before but that doesn't mean that I love my haircut.

I think sometimes I expect my haircuts to change how I look. Like getting my haircut will automatically make my head look normal-sized, my nose smaller, and my checks less chipmunk-y (from the side). Sadly, my haircuts often tend to emphasize these points. It happens every time I get my hair cut. I wish I could make the vicious cycle stop. I'm going to have to endure a week of compliments on my hair with a forced smile and a 'thanks'. Yes, I'm an ungrateful girl. But it can 't be helped sometimes.

I had a boyfriend who was so good at complimenting me on when I got my haircut-and he always waited a few days after-that sometimes he would compliment me on my hair even when I hadn't had it cut.

It probably doesn't help that my back itches with the invisible hairs freed by the shears.

And it kills me that I keep getting my hair cut. It's probably because I like to look at the inches of hair fall during the cut. This time especially I'm disappointed because my hair wasn't long enough for the style I wanted. I mean, it's shaped that way but not as dramatic as I had wished for because of length issues.

Ask me again next about how I feel about my hair and my answer might have changed.

Say Anything Recap

So everything I feared about the Say Anything concert, I was right to fear. It took me over 2.5 hours to reach my destination. Several calls were made to my friend that I was meeting-she was at the bookstore flirting with cops and not too pleased to answer my pissy phone calls. Once I was off the highway, I stayed on the phone with my friend and she helped direct me to where she parked. Stood in line between some stupid high schoolers-no one is ever smart during that time, no matter if they think they are-who proceeded to bitch about the $1 cover charge if you were under 21. I'm pretty sure that's standard. And the club definitely could have made it over 21 only and still had a packed house.

While the first and second bands played, we got drinks and food. Saw my hs boyfriend walk in with his friends and made sure I didn't make eye contact. Even though we dated in high school and hadn't had any contact since my freshman year of college (different story), I really did not feel like dealing with that kind of thing that night. I was not in a pleasant mood at that point.

When Say Anything came on, my friend and I were able to work our way up to the front of the crowd. From there, we were manhandled beyond belief. We both found bruises the next day. The band themselves put on a great show-playing an equal amount of songs from all 3 albums. We left during the encore -too dehydrated and beat up to stay any longer. I've seen them before so it wasn't a huge deal leaving early. Normally I'll stay until the crew starts taking down the set.

While I'm glad that I was able to see them live, it made me realize how much I like my space to be able to dance during the sets. The Pietasters are an excellent example of this.

Sometimes when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and I smell them

Before I have a big event or something going on, I always get nervous. I'm not quite sure why because I know that everything will work out fine. Take tonight for example, I'm leaving work early to go see one of my favorite bands, Say Anything, perform. However, they're playing at a venue that I've never been to before. So I'll be nervous about everything until they actually appear on stage.

I've pulled up directions every day for the past week. Today, before I print them out, I'll go through the turn-by-turn directions provided by Google Maps. I will fret about the traffic beforehand and will most likely be unable to concentrate on anything fully today because of it. Once I'm driving, I will check the directions every five minutes or so, just to make sure that I'm going the correct way, though I know that I am-I know the general direction to go. Once I arrive at my destination I will become jittery unless I am able to find parking that does not involve street parking/parallel parking almost immediately. Chances are, I'll be on the phone with my friend who is meeting me there as I try to find parking. Once there, I'll try to make sure I'm in the correct line and will be able to pass along my extra tickets okay. I hate being late, so if I get stuck in traffic, I'll start to panic.

After the concert, I'll be nervous because of all the traffic leaving the area at the same time. I'm spending the night at my friend's place so somehow I'll have to leave the area and follow her/my directions at the same time. My hands will remain clenched on the steering wheel until I'm on a road that I recognize will lead me in the right direction. Because my friend also lives in a rural area, I will have my eyes glued to the road, music on low, driving well below the speeding limit in case of deer. Normally I wouldn't be be such a cautious driver but I know someone who recently got into a bit of a fight with a buck. And my car is a lot smaller than his. I'm not sure if that's a plus or a minus and I'd rather not find out.

However, tomorrow leaving my friend's place, I'll be fine. I've done the drive enough not to need directions even though I'll print them out just in case. If I hit traffic, it won't bother me too much because I'm going home and I don't have to be home at a specific time-just a time period.

I will say that I'm proud of myself because I no longer stress out what to wear. Years ago, planning an outfit to go to a concert was a huge deal. I would agonize over it for days and try on several items before finding one one that was able to convey exactly how I felt. Now, I realize that I will be a sweat machine by the end of the show so I aim to dress comfortably. It probably helps that I don't buy anything that doesn't relate to who I am as a being.

Baby steps.