Beauty of Poetry

I've always been a fan of poetry but it wasn't until I took a contemporary poetry class in college that I really fell in love with it. For the first time ever, we were encouraged to give our opinion on the piece. The only thing was that we had to support our reasoning, i.e. if it sucked, then you had to say why it sucked. Plenty of people did but enough people usually liked the same piece so that there would be a debate. My favorite project for that class was to give a lecture on a poet. I chose Bob Dylan. From him, I was really able to see the correlation between music and poetry. I was already a music lover, with lyrics on my bedroom walls, shoes, and notebooks so I took it one step further and incorporated poetry.

About the same time that I started taking more poetry classes, a friend of mine introduced me to Charles Bukowski, a skid-row poet. Bukowski writes in a very straightforward, no bullshit manner. Addicted to red wine and horse races, he makes no excuses for his behavior. Randomly opening "Slouching Toward Nirvana"

I went to the worst of bars
hoping to get
killed.
but all I could do was to
get drunk
again.

(181) from "the suicide kid." Yes, this opening verse is not that happy and the bluntness adds to the bleakness but it is honest, and ultimately that is what poetry should be. Bukowski in many ways reminds me of e.e. cummings with the ability play with the poetic form and lack of regard for rules except for when they fit for him. Both influence my writing, especially in the directness and writing what I know not what I think I know.

I can't walk into a bookstore without buying a book of poetry. While some of them include the works of well known poets like e.e. cummings, Emily Dickinson, and Pablo Neruda, I will also pick up books by lesser-known poets because I either like the cover or I'll open the book to a random page and enjoy that particular poem. I have two full bookcases and about five milkcrates full of books, not including whatever piles I have laying about in my room. A third of all of this is poetry. And while I continue to write on my shoes and notebooks, I restrict my wallspace to closet space only. One would have to say that that contemporary poetry class I took so many years ago was a great success.

It's Complicated

"It's Complicated" is one of the worst phrases in the English language. Coming close behind would have to be "We need to talk," "I'm sorry," and "I love you."

"It's complicated" takes the cake because you know that it is never going to be something pleasant to learn and that it can apply to a variety of situations. First comes to mind in a relationship. It can be in the beginning when you don't actually know if there is a relationship or if one person wants the relationship, titles and all, and the other person does not. "It's complicated" is often used when a relationship starts to sour but before the break-up talk.

It can also be used in work situations. For example, before someone is fired but after they stop showing up to the office on a regular basis.

Even in regular friendships it can be said. Like when you're friends with someone but it takes work or things are as smooth as they should be. I.e. she said that she didn't like your boyfriend the first night she met him when she was drunk.

"It's complicated" can also be used to describe a relationship with inanimate object. I have a shirt/dress/tunic thing that I love. However, I don't wear it that often because I don't believe that it would be appropriate for the office, it's a bit causal for going out, and when I'm home, I'm usually in some type of lounge-wear.

"We need to talk," "I'm sorry," and "I love you" are all horrible phrases for different reasons. "We need to talk" is never good news. There is no way to look at it in a positive manner. It is also very hard to dress the phrase up so that the person on the receiving end of the news is not dreading the talk.

"I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two of the most over-used phrases in the English language. People will say both without really thinking about what they are saying. How many times have you said "I love you" to someone, doesn't have to a significant other, and not really meant it? Its one of those things that girls start to say to each in middle school and never really grow out of. "I'm sorry" is just a convenient way to apologize, whether you're actually sorry or not. People don't pay attention to what they say, much less how they say it. I honestly can't remember the last time that I said "I love you" or "I'm sorry" to someone without actually meaning it. Actually, I can't remember the last time I said "I love you" to anyone. Maybe I'm just an unfeeling bitch. But at least I'm honest about it.

Relationship Musings

I don't think that you can be in a relationship and not love the other person. I'm talking about being in love necessarily but loving them as another human being. Looking back, every person that I've had some type of relationship with-whether we were dating, just talking, or a completely platonic friend, there's been mutual affection. The ability to care for that other person is what makes the relationship, otherwise they have no special importance in your life.


Within the past year I've finished a relationship, I've been completely single, and I've been in that 'talking' phase several times. Going even further back to the guys that I was first interested in, I was interested in them for a reason. I couldn't help but love them for who they are. Yes, I am able to take a step back and see them as a person, flaws and all, but it doesn't change how I feel about them-it just changes the relationship. Example: one guy that I had talked to for a few months had some qualities that just bothered me. There was nothing too odd or creepy about him but those things kept us from meshing completely. But at the same time, I loved talking to him because what he would share with me. He was the first and only guy that had no problem delving into the minute details about his life starting with when he woke up. But then there were other guys where we weren't too close because neither of us had the time to take a relationship and make it work.

But it's always looking back that I'm able to understand more and move on from what I've learned. Which is the beauty of a relationship, knowing it's end and it's closure. Two completely different things but both necessary to moving on. The end is when you realize the relationship is over,whether or not you're still with the other person in some matter. The closure is when you've realized why the relationship didn't work, what you've learned from it, and could potentially be completely platonic friends with the other person. Sometimes it takes a while.

I will admit that there are one or two guys that I look back with sadness because of my inability to realize what kind of people they were. We didn't mesh and I let it go on for too long and ended up hurting them. But since I believe in karma, I'm well aware that this'll happen to me one day.

Love and let learn.

Pietasters update

So I saw the Pietasters. And it was everything I thought it should be and more. The opening bands were great-definitely set the mood for a good time. By the time the show was over, I felt like I went for a run in my regular clothes. I had worn shorts and a halter-top, knowing that the venue was small and that I move around enough to get hot. Boy was I hot-it was totally worth it. I love the feel of music around me and I can't stay still so I was dancing around. It was neat because everyone else was also. Normally when I go to shows there are a few people doing a mosh pit and a lot of head-banging. One of the guys I went with said that it was like I had an internal metronome, which might have been one of the coolest compliments I've gotten.

But ultimately I think that the night was so memorable because of the way it made me feel. A great concert can make you feel invincible and the Pietasters did just that. I still feel like I'm walking on cloud 9 and it's been a few days. And I've never felt like this from a date.

Anyways, I plan on seeing them next week and I can't wait. It'll be their last show in the area for a bit and I'm not sure what I'll do with myself . . . maybe find another band to follow?