Beauty of Poetry

I've always been a fan of poetry but it wasn't until I took a contemporary poetry class in college that I really fell in love with it. For the first time ever, we were encouraged to give our opinion on the piece. The only thing was that we had to support our reasoning, i.e. if it sucked, then you had to say why it sucked. Plenty of people did but enough people usually liked the same piece so that there would be a debate. My favorite project for that class was to give a lecture on a poet. I chose Bob Dylan. From him, I was really able to see the correlation between music and poetry. I was already a music lover, with lyrics on my bedroom walls, shoes, and notebooks so I took it one step further and incorporated poetry.

About the same time that I started taking more poetry classes, a friend of mine introduced me to Charles Bukowski, a skid-row poet. Bukowski writes in a very straightforward, no bullshit manner. Addicted to red wine and horse races, he makes no excuses for his behavior. Randomly opening "Slouching Toward Nirvana"

I went to the worst of bars
hoping to get
killed.
but all I could do was to
get drunk
again.

(181) from "the suicide kid." Yes, this opening verse is not that happy and the bluntness adds to the bleakness but it is honest, and ultimately that is what poetry should be. Bukowski in many ways reminds me of e.e. cummings with the ability play with the poetic form and lack of regard for rules except for when they fit for him. Both influence my writing, especially in the directness and writing what I know not what I think I know.

I can't walk into a bookstore without buying a book of poetry. While some of them include the works of well known poets like e.e. cummings, Emily Dickinson, and Pablo Neruda, I will also pick up books by lesser-known poets because I either like the cover or I'll open the book to a random page and enjoy that particular poem. I have two full bookcases and about five milkcrates full of books, not including whatever piles I have laying about in my room. A third of all of this is poetry. And while I continue to write on my shoes and notebooks, I restrict my wallspace to closet space only. One would have to say that that contemporary poetry class I took so many years ago was a great success.

It's Complicated

"It's Complicated" is one of the worst phrases in the English language. Coming close behind would have to be "We need to talk," "I'm sorry," and "I love you."

"It's complicated" takes the cake because you know that it is never going to be something pleasant to learn and that it can apply to a variety of situations. First comes to mind in a relationship. It can be in the beginning when you don't actually know if there is a relationship or if one person wants the relationship, titles and all, and the other person does not. "It's complicated" is often used when a relationship starts to sour but before the break-up talk.

It can also be used in work situations. For example, before someone is fired but after they stop showing up to the office on a regular basis.

Even in regular friendships it can be said. Like when you're friends with someone but it takes work or things are as smooth as they should be. I.e. she said that she didn't like your boyfriend the first night she met him when she was drunk.

"It's complicated" can also be used to describe a relationship with inanimate object. I have a shirt/dress/tunic thing that I love. However, I don't wear it that often because I don't believe that it would be appropriate for the office, it's a bit causal for going out, and when I'm home, I'm usually in some type of lounge-wear.

"We need to talk," "I'm sorry," and "I love you" are all horrible phrases for different reasons. "We need to talk" is never good news. There is no way to look at it in a positive manner. It is also very hard to dress the phrase up so that the person on the receiving end of the news is not dreading the talk.

"I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two of the most over-used phrases in the English language. People will say both without really thinking about what they are saying. How many times have you said "I love you" to someone, doesn't have to a significant other, and not really meant it? Its one of those things that girls start to say to each in middle school and never really grow out of. "I'm sorry" is just a convenient way to apologize, whether you're actually sorry or not. People don't pay attention to what they say, much less how they say it. I honestly can't remember the last time that I said "I love you" or "I'm sorry" to someone without actually meaning it. Actually, I can't remember the last time I said "I love you" to anyone. Maybe I'm just an unfeeling bitch. But at least I'm honest about it.

Relationship Musings

I don't think that you can be in a relationship and not love the other person. I'm talking about being in love necessarily but loving them as another human being. Looking back, every person that I've had some type of relationship with-whether we were dating, just talking, or a completely platonic friend, there's been mutual affection. The ability to care for that other person is what makes the relationship, otherwise they have no special importance in your life.


Within the past year I've finished a relationship, I've been completely single, and I've been in that 'talking' phase several times. Going even further back to the guys that I was first interested in, I was interested in them for a reason. I couldn't help but love them for who they are. Yes, I am able to take a step back and see them as a person, flaws and all, but it doesn't change how I feel about them-it just changes the relationship. Example: one guy that I had talked to for a few months had some qualities that just bothered me. There was nothing too odd or creepy about him but those things kept us from meshing completely. But at the same time, I loved talking to him because what he would share with me. He was the first and only guy that had no problem delving into the minute details about his life starting with when he woke up. But then there were other guys where we weren't too close because neither of us had the time to take a relationship and make it work.

But it's always looking back that I'm able to understand more and move on from what I've learned. Which is the beauty of a relationship, knowing it's end and it's closure. Two completely different things but both necessary to moving on. The end is when you realize the relationship is over,whether or not you're still with the other person in some matter. The closure is when you've realized why the relationship didn't work, what you've learned from it, and could potentially be completely platonic friends with the other person. Sometimes it takes a while.

I will admit that there are one or two guys that I look back with sadness because of my inability to realize what kind of people they were. We didn't mesh and I let it go on for too long and ended up hurting them. But since I believe in karma, I'm well aware that this'll happen to me one day.

Love and let learn.

Pietasters update

So I saw the Pietasters. And it was everything I thought it should be and more. The opening bands were great-definitely set the mood for a good time. By the time the show was over, I felt like I went for a run in my regular clothes. I had worn shorts and a halter-top, knowing that the venue was small and that I move around enough to get hot. Boy was I hot-it was totally worth it. I love the feel of music around me and I can't stay still so I was dancing around. It was neat because everyone else was also. Normally when I go to shows there are a few people doing a mosh pit and a lot of head-banging. One of the guys I went with said that it was like I had an internal metronome, which might have been one of the coolest compliments I've gotten.

But ultimately I think that the night was so memorable because of the way it made me feel. A great concert can make you feel invincible and the Pietasters did just that. I still feel like I'm walking on cloud 9 and it's been a few days. And I've never felt like this from a date.

Anyways, I plan on seeing them next week and I can't wait. It'll be their last show in the area for a bit and I'm not sure what I'll do with myself . . . maybe find another band to follow?

Random Thoughts of a Friday

1. I think that I'm single because I don't care enough to date someone. Also, I haven't met someone that's worthy of my time on a regular basis.

2. I've had my shoes on for 3 hours and I'm ready to take them off. They're bothering the space between my big toe and second toe.

3.This pimple that I woke up with this morning on my chin really hurts but I can't stop touching it to see if it's gone away yet.

4. It bothers me on Fridays when the parking lot is empty.

5. People who think that it's their right to speak to someone immediately if they have an issue with something. Sometimes you have to wait in line and sometimes it is your fault. Get over it.

6. I wish that there was a couch in my company's break room. I would be much more productive after lunch.

7. I'm super excited about this already: http://www.loc.gov/bookfest/2009/pavilions.html

8. I probably won't show up to #7 because I am not a crowd person at all. Once someone I don't know touches me, I'm outta there. I'm usually okay at concerts though, go figure. It must be something with music.

The Pietasters

So I'm on the Pietasters kick. I first heard about them in a creative writing poetry class when we had to bring in an object- I forget the exact assignment. Anyways, this kid brought in a ticket stub from the Pietasters concert he went to. He said that he was supposed to go with some friends but they all backed out at the last minute so he went by himself. It was the most fun he's ever had at a concert. I remember everyone being shocked that he would go to a concert by himself. Granted, they are a lot more fun to go with friends or people you know but at the same time, you and you alone, are responsible for you having fun.
A few years later, I dated a guy who made me a mix CD that had a bunch of the Pietasters stuff on it. I've listened to the CD so much that it scratches. But I finally decided that I needed to listen to more of their music because I really like what I have heard. So I bought Awesome Mix Tape #6 a few weeks ago and can't stop listening to it. I currently have a few lines from "What do I do" stuck in my head - in a good way though. I think that the thing I love most about them though is that their lyrics make you think twice about what they are actually singing about. Prime example would be the lyrics to the song "Menowannalikki-U" where they talk about not wanting to go down on a girl because she smells. Which is a completely valid point.

And I can't wait to see them in a few weeks. Finally.

Cnn with a side of Commercials

There's a tv right in front of my desk at work.  I like this because it's always tuned to CNN but sometimes I get tired of watching the same thing all of the time.  Just because something is breaking news one hour does not mean that it will be breaking news the next.  Though I do understand the importance of reciting the information on a continuous basis in case of an ever-changing audience.  And it probably doesn't help that I read a couple newspapers a day. 
However, what really bothers me are the commercials.  Info-mercials are particularly bad because I'll see the ad so many times that I can be talked into whatever they're trying to sell. I did once.  I bought the topsy-turvy tomato planter for my dad for his birthday.  So far so go but we'll see if we actually get any decent tomatoes out of it. 
There's one commercial that comes to mind immediately though-the cookie diet commercial-because of its particular lack of skill of selling the product.  Some of the lines said there are so arkward I physically cringe everytime I hear it.  The one scene where the woman with the stroller walks across the screen laughing just makes it seem that they were trying to eat up time.  It makes me wonder how the product is doing.  I actually haven't seen that commercial on tv for the past couple of days. . . maybe it's gone.