yes, I live in the city

The other day it finally hit me that I live in a city. It took two random occurances for this to happen. The first: a complete stranger asked me for directions and I managed to give her correct directions. The second: I missed my exit coming into the city so I had to take the next exit in which I managed to correctly get back to my place. For anyone that doesn't know, I am extremely directionally challenged so this was a big feat. Those two occurances made me realize that I'm slowly becoming comfortable living in a new location that just happens to be in a city.

It's about time.

It's been exactly three months. But I never said I was a fast learner.

I love the fact that I can walk to pretty much where ever I want to go within the city during the day (night is a different story). I like being one of those people that you'll see carrying groceries because I live so close. I love the lack of chains in the area. Yes, they are there but there are so many local, individual places that have much more to offer. My favorite thing is the fact that I know exactly where all the places that the intro to It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia shows are located.

jersey

So the other day I decided I needed to do some shopping. This was brought on by two emails I had received: Nordstroms and Bath & Body Works. Figuring I could get some of my Christmas shopping out of the way, I searched for the nearest Nordstrom. My options came down to the King of Prussia mall outside of Philadelphia and the Cherry Hill mall also right outside of Philadelphia. I decided on Cherry Hill though in retrospect, this might not have been a very wise decision.

Why?

Because I hate driving in Jersey.

I think it could be comparable to driving in a different country. In order to turn left or to make a u-turn you have to turn right. Thank goodness I had to make one u-turn (I blame that on over-analyzing Google Map directions). Also, the drivers from Jersey just suck. In the parking lot of the mall, I have never been so scared for my life, inside and out of the car. People don't look, they just go. I was quite surprised not to see an accident though I wondered if that was the Jersey drivers having a sixth sense about each other.

On the way out of the mall, I had someone creep behind me to get my space. They were disappointed to see that I had parked as far away from the mall as possible. If that's just regular Saturday afternoon traffic, I would hate to see how it is during holiday shopping. (Un)fortunately the drive back was rather unevenful.

I'm supposed to be checking out the King of Prussia mall as well within the week or so. I'm sure I'll have an update as to how that trip goes as well. Maybe some compare and contrast with all of those English classes/papers coming in use?

And the record begins with a song of REBELLION

Why does everyone want to live vicariously through me?

Actually, scratch that. I know exactly why. If I was a lesser person I would blame my parents. But at 24, I feel that I have to own up to my own many mistakes.

I'd like to say that people want to live vicariously through me because I'm fun but we all know that's not true. It's mostly because I don't care. For example, my roommate tend to go out fairly often together. At bars we tend to wingman for each other. Most people would think that this is awesome but we accidently wingman for each other. I tend to make small talk with people and she sees this as I'm interested in the guy. Then I see her talking to someone and feel obligated to wingman for her, making it a vicious cycle. However, after several weekends of this, I believe that she has finally realized that I'm just not interested.

It's things like that. I'm usually up for whatever and tend to go to the extreme, ultimately creating ridiculous true life stories.

inhale exhale

Last night I had to talk myself out of buying cigarettes. For anyone who knows me, that's actually a big deal. The last time I really smoked was 2 September 2008 and the last time I bought a pack of cigarettes, Mike's Mart was still around and Sparks were new. It's not even that I was really craving a cigarette itself, I just wanted the action of smoking and the peace it brings.

I'm not quite sure why but the past couple of Wednesdays I've been down. Not sure because it's the last night of class so I'm just loose ends or what. I have realized over the years that when the seasons change, I kind of get into this funk. There's really no rhyme or reason to it, it just happens. I guess it's to remind me that I can't be happy all of time. It probably doesn't help that I signed up for my second quarter classes earlier this week. I'm already having anxiety over them because they're all online and the second quarter means that I'm closer to being finished with this program and with Philadelphia. Though I've already decided that while I'm not a huge fan of Philadelphia, I do really enjoy living in the city and it could be worth a repeat.

move into the city

So I've been a resident of Philadelphia, PA for a month. And I think I like it. I say "I think" because I find myself constantly comparing it to what I know, Northern Virgina. It's definitely nice to be able to walk every where. I drive maybe once a week to make sure my skills are still smooth. However, what really bothers me is the fact that 1. no one holds a door for anyone following and 2. no one smiles when passing someone- they all look down. I really didn't think the Northern Virginia/DC area was that friendly but it sure is compared to Philadelphia.

Whenever I tell someone that I just moved to Philadelphia, I know maybe a handful of people, and I don't have any family that close by, they say how brave they think I am. I honestly don't see it. To me, it's more of an opportunity presented itself and I took it. There was also nothing left for me in Northern Virginia. Maybe one day I'll change my mind and move back but at this moment, no. Would I have moved to Philadelphia just because? Probably not because it's not somewhere where I can imagine myself living for more than a few years.

My room is still in shambles and somehow the blank walls don't scare me like they did in college. Maybe it's because I'm okay with the lack of permanence of anything in my life at the moment. Or it could definitely be the fact that I'm not sure where I want anything to go. Also I'm in a new city and kind of feel like a blank canvas since very few know me. There's something comforting about a re-invention. But once again I have a sweet closet with shelves. As my place does not contain any closets, shelving is clearly important for someone who has a lot of crap (aka me). Looking back it's funny how my biggest issue with my room was where I was going to put my shoe collection. The shoes have now become organized which leaves me staring a blank walls, trying to figure out where I want to put my new posters (I destroyed everything I had on my walls after college because it wasn't feasible to hold on to it then).

Light Bulb!

So I've been writing for about a year now and there really hasn't been any cohesion with my posts. However, due to the fact that I am moving and am completely expecting upheaval in my normally staid life, I plan to write about it; therefore giving my blog a subject and hopefully some better writing. (This post should not be an example of said writing ability).

So to summarize my great idea, I will be writing about life as a Philadelphia transplant. As of right now, my news is short and sweet: currently unemployed with a legitimate move-in date.

Why the need to kill others?

Some Fatal Shootings at US Workplaces

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Filed at 5:02 p.m. ET

Some fatal shootings at U.S. workplaces:

-- Aug. 3, 2010: Warehouse driver Omar Thornton shot and killed eight people before apparently committing suicide at a Manchester, Conn., beer distributorship.

-- June 25, 2008: Wesley N. Higdon, 25, killed five workers, then himself, at Atlantis Plastics in Henderson, Ky. A sixth shooting victim survived.

-- March 18, 2008: Lee Isaac Bedwell Leeds, 31, shot and killed four men at a junk yard in Santa Maria, Calif.

-- March 12, 2008: Robert Lanham killed two people in the Regions Bank of McComb, Miss., where his ex-wife worked, then forced the woman to flee with him before killing her and committing suicide.

-- Jan. 30, 2006: Former postal worker Jennifer San Marco, 44, shot and killed six postal employees, then himself, in Goleta, Calif.

-- July 2, 2004: Elijah Brown, 21, killed four co-workers and wounded three others at ConAgra Foods meatpacking plant in Kansas City, Kan., before committing suicide.

-- August 27, 2003: Recently fired Salvador Tapia, 36, killed six former co-workers at an auto parts warehouse in Chicago, then was shot dead by police.

-- July 8, 2003: Doug Williams, 48, shot and killed six workers and wounded eight others before killing himself at a Lockheed Martin aircraft parts plant in Meridian, Miss.

--Feb. 25, 2003: Emanuel Burl Patterson, 23, shot and killed four fellow jobseekers and wounded a fifth at a temporary employment service in Huntsville, Ala.

-- Feb. 5, 2001: Factory worker William D. Baker, 66, killed four co-workers, then himself, at the Navistar International factory in suburban Chicago, Ill.

-- Dec. 26, 2000: Software tester Michael McDermott, 43, shot and killed seven people at a Wakefield, Mass., Internet consulting company, Edgewater Technology Inc. He was convicted, sentenced to life without parole.

-- March 20, 2000: Fired employee Robert Harris, 28, fatally shot five people and wounded another at a Dallas-area car wash. He was convicted, sentenced to death.

-- Dec. 30, 1999: Housekeeper Silvio Izquierdo-Leyva, 36, fatally shot five co-workers at Tampa, Fla.'s Radisson Bay Harbor hotel. He pleaded guilty, was sentenced to life in prison.

-- Nov. 2, 1999: Copier repairman Byran Uyesugi, 40, fatally shot seven people at Xerox Corp. in Honolulu. He was convicted, sentenced to life in prison.

-- Aug. 5, 1999: Truck driver Alan E. Miller, 35, fatally shot two co-workers at Pelham, Ala., office, then killed a former co-worker. He was convicted, sentenced to death.

-- July 29, 1999: Former day trader Mark Barton, 44, killed nine people at two Atlanta brokerage offices before he committed suicide.

-- March 6, 1998: Former Connecticut Lottery Corp. accountant Matthew Beck, 35, fatally shot four lottery executives, then himself.

-- Dec. 18, 1997: Fired employee Arturo R. Torres, 43, killed four former co-workers at maintenance yard in Orange, Calif., and was shot to death by police.

-- Sept. 15, 1997: Fired assembly line worker Arthur H. Wise, 43, shot and killed four at Aiken, S.C., parts plant. He was convicted, sentenced to death.

-- April 24, 1996: Firefighter Kenneth Tornes killed four superiors at Jackson, Miss. firehouse. He died on death row.

-- April 3, 1995: Former employee James Simpson, 28, shot and killed five people at refinery inspection station in Corpus Christi, Texas, then killed himself.

-- July 19, 1995: City electrician Willie Woods shot and killed four supervisors at C. Erwin Piper Technical Center in Los Angeles. He was sentenced to life in prison.

-- July 1, 1993: Gian Luigi Ferri, 55, a mentally disturbed man with a grudge against lawyers, killed eight people and himself in a San Francisco law office.

-- June 18, 1990: James E. Pough, 42, killed 10 people and wounded four others before killing himself at a General Motors Acceptance Corp. office in Jacksonville, Fla.

-- Sept. 14, 1989: Joseph T. Wesbecker, 47, on disability for mental illness, killed eight people and wounded 12 others at a printing plant in Louisville, Ky., before killing himself.

-- Feb. 16, 1988: Richard W. Farley, 40, killed seven people with a shotgun at ESL Corp. in Sunnyvale, Calif., before surrendering. He was sentenced to death.

-- Aug. 20, 1986: Pat Sherrill, 44, a postal worker who authorities say was about to be fired, killed 14 people at a post office in Edmond, Okla., then fatally wounded himself.

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-- Compiled by AP News Researcher Julie Reed Bell

(This version CORRECTS that June 25, 2008, shooting was in Henderson, Ky., not Dixon, Ky.)

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/08/03/us/AP-US-Workplace-Shootings-List.html

I can see the need to kill yourself; everyone has a breaking point but I cannot understand the need to bring others down with you.